Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Story of my illness

Hm, its been a couple of days and I already feel disconnected. While I've been gone, I'm trying to recover. The verdict: exercise bulimia AND anorexia in my recent past has led to bradycardia. Yeah, me...

The story goes that from overexercising and under eating, I lost my period. Furthermore, my body lost a lot of hormones and has developed osteopenia, bone density loss. My heart rate is low at 46 and while this may be considered athletic, it is too slow to function properly. This has caused my body to shut down and I'm at risk for heart failure. My metabolism is shot and holds onto everything I eat is held onto. This explains my weight gain.

So far, I've been all the way from 185 to 111 and now I've gained so much that I'm almost overweight! :/ When I was losing at a slow and healthy pace, I was at 130 then insanely lost a lot rather quickly.

Well, it's time to fix my body and pray pray pray that I won't gain too much. One day, I want to be healthy again. I need to restore my metabolism as well as regain my period.

I know most people believe they have 10-20 pounds to lose and that is definitely me, so it shouldn't (but is) a big deal. I did it once, I can do it again, but first, recovery.

Starting with Sunday: I walked outside in the rain for 3 miles for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation and ate plenty of food.

Then I ate more than usual (including a Super Cleansing Cocktail [green juice] that combined with getting my blood drawn made me woozy) yesterday and did yoga. It was really tough after a day of only walking and eating (Sunday). I was antsy and the yoga class was way too slow. I looked at the instructor a couple times till I realized she was an old high school classmate. Considering I wasn't a fan of high school or the people, I didn't say a word about it.

Then it's today. I woke up early, before 7AM, and went for a 4 mile walk at the park. It took me an hour. My legs, particularly my shins, hurt! I grabbed an 8 oz. juice from Mother's Market: 1/2 carrot juice, beets, kale, cukes, and pear. I picked everything I normally don't eat. Work was fantastic - love my kids. If only I could work more, my life/recovery would be easier.

I attempted to go to BodyPump after work, but instead, went to Blackmarket Bakery to spend my $20 gift certificate. I ended up with so much due to happy hour: wine flour foccacia, pumpkin ginger loaf (snacked on while driving and regret later because my belly is not feeling so well), 2 cookies, cinnamon caramel apple marshmallows, pumpkin tart(!), and a chocolate croissant. I don't know what I'm going to do with it all. Probably hoard them in my car.

I just showered, which was really tough: seeing my misshapen body in the mirror and feeling my limbs touch my body. It may all be in my head because its been two days. I feel like I'm falling apart.

Since my aunt is here, I'm going to take my computer home along with my mat and weights to do some light exercising. I can't help it, but I can tone it done till I can get myself more settled. I built these habits over a year and a half - it'll take more than 2 days to be rid of them completely.

With daylight savings, it's already dark by 5PM. Rough. In addition to some light exercising, I'm planning to watch "The Change-Up" for some laughs tonight.

And tomorrow? I'm getting some biking in before a real yoga class.

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