I took this picture yesterday before open house. I was decked out in my cute teacher outfit.
...and it's hard to accept. You'd say I look fine right now. I should be grateful. My body gets up in the morning, jumps/runs when it has to/picks up heavy things, and it stands all day, sometimes in heels. Yes, that's all true.
But... my midsection sags, my upper and inner thighs have dimples, and my hips and butt are square-ish. I'm bottom heavy and it's all fine and dandy if it was tight.
I also have ZERO boobs. Nada. Somehow bras make them look okay though. That, and the chest exercises I do to make it look like I have cleavage. See that line in the middle of my chest? That's not cleavage, that's muscle. Heck yeah!
Then I realize something. This happens quite often actually. I look at my rail-thin friends or random girls on the street, and I find them less attractive than I did before. There's no strength, and they sag too.
And I realize something else. I was like that. For the last few years, I've struggled to get back down to 111 pounds. I didn't know why I couldn't maintain that weight. Answer: I wasn't eating enough, working out too much, and lost my period. So I gained 30 pounds - not on purpose but because my body needed it to survive. That sucked.
Wait, there's more! This summer, as I've let go of the incessant workout plan and had some fun, I've lost just about 10 pounds! I drank beer, liquor, and some wine. I still ate clean though. The carbs must've been good. The dancing and laughter helped.
These boyfriend jeans are too loose now. Embarrassingly so.
And for the first time since 2009, I've had guys hit on me. No, really. I'm not good at realizing it so these were obvious. I can count 8 off the top of my head in the last 3 months. <That's me bursting my own bubble.
It's not just about the looks; it's about the confidence. I started to go out and dress better - I bought quite a few dresses. I hadn't bought clothes since I stopped fitting into those teeny junior size 3-5s. My "bubbly" personality came back. Everything in life got better, even my job situation. It all worked hand-in-hand.
It's about me as a whole person. I'm not too shabby in the face especially considering my lack of makeup (I suck at makeup big time), my body is womanly* or as my thin friend says "curvy**," I have passion for life, I go with the flow, I love (my students), I exude goodness, I am trustworthy, and I know hard work. These are truths and I know it. <Tooting my own horn.
And the final message is: I'm awesome. I'm worthy. This article on "How to Get Flat Abs, Have Amazing Sex and Rule the World" helps to explain how I'm feeling. Best Thought Catalog article ever - read it.
*I don't like the term "womanly," but I'm not a 15 year old boy.
**Really? She's called girls thinner than me curvy, girls who I consider very normal.