Confessions

This was the story of my life too. Read hers and you'll get me.

I was listening to a Jillian Michaels Show podcast ("Going Vegan") and a caller talked about her intense workouts. She didn't say it, but she's obsessed. I can tell because that was me. She wouldn't say she was either working out too much and if it was hurting the rest of her life. All of her answers showed hesitancy.

Unlike these two women, I was more intense. I worked out 2-3 hours in the morning and then 2-3 more hours in the evening for about a couple of months. Then I went to California, worked out an hour and a half (on the elliptical then weights) everyday, and walked a lot (4 hours under the Vegas sun when we were there everyday).

I have a friend who appears to work out more and at a higher intensity. When she posts, I think I have to do as much. But honestly, I was there and it didn't work so well.

I didn't eat that much. My body was cannibalizing itself. I lost my period and I've yet to get it back.

I can't be sure, but it's highly probable that my body couldn't take it any longer.

I started working and baking too. The weight came back with less working out and lots of sweets. I'm at 130, a much better 130 now than last year.

I went down to 111 lbs at my smallest. I looked kind of scary. Sometimes, if I didn't pay attention to my arms, I looked great.

I have to figure out how to work out to my heart's content but make sure it's healthy. Today was good because I did work out, but it wasn't the usual kind. I like that, trying new things.

The thing is, I know. I know it all and I just have to do it. I have to cut out the crap (sweets) and eat more. I can eat more veggies easily, but it's hard to eat more. I used to be about volume, but now I prefer the feeling of hunger so I know when to feed myself.

Eat when I'm hungry. That's hard. I crave sweets. I make them too. So stop it.

I need another hobby. Watching "Bones" has helped. How about some books?

I'm going to rededicate myself to health. Raw foods, green juices, and the like work, but I seriously do need to cut down on the sweets, sleep more, and enjoy life. I am Type A, if you must. I can't relax much. It seems everything needs a purpose.

Pictures, just cause:

I bought a peony from the tailgate yesterday. The only "vase" we have is a used 40 bottle. Not me, my roommate and friends.

I painted my toes raspberry sorbet this week.