How much I weigh(ed).

Coffee Cake and Cardio has become a must-read blog for me. I love and relate to her story - she has lost weight then gained it back and is finding her way again.  

*If you don't know my story, here's a quickie: 

I only knew how to gain and then only knew how to lose. My goal back when I was 185 pounds was to get down to a size 9 in juniors' pants. I got so excited about losing weight that I kept going because I could, and then I couldn't stop. I ended up at a 3-5 in juniors through intense exercising and food restriction. I had a combo of anorexia and exercise bulimia.

I've read Ashley's posts intently. Ashley just tried metabolic testing and found out she wasn't eating enough. I sympathize - I know I should eat more too, but professional tests and confirmation would put me at ease.

She also wrote a post called "Weight Loss Reminiscing" in which she posts her weight. Yes, the real numbers!  

I decided to do the same, which I've never ever done. I'm not shaming myself for my weight gain, but I'm realizing that I did something big: I lost weight, didn't gain it all back, and I've become a much different, more active person. Confidence came with it too!

First, what numbers don't show:

• How happy I am. I was happiest with my body at 122-123. Though, I was happy at 140-150. It's all relative. The number isn't everything.
• How in shape I am. I'm stronger than I've ever been. However, in terms of cardio, I do not have as much endurance. Part of this is due to overworking my heart - my heart rate has been under 50 for 2 years and while it's good to have a low heart rate, mine stems for a whole different situation.
• How healthy I am. I lost my period from July 2010-December 2011. That's a whole year and 6 months. I didn't think much of it either.
  

My journey in numbers, with notes:

• Spring 2008 - 185 
• At my heaviest on a 5'3 frame. I never cooked and just ate fast food. I didn't work out a day in my life.
• Winter 2008-2009 - 160  
• Worked a lot at the high school, went to classes, hung out with friends, and still ate.
• Summer 2009 - 150  
• Graduation summer when Yancey and I worked out 2-3 days/week. We drank a lot and went out till morning. Craziest summer ever.
• Fall 2009 - 140 
• Lost this weight from student teaching. I ate only lunch sometimes at school or after school from Subway or Taco Bell's Fresco menu.
• Spring 2010 - 125-130 
• I was at a good point in my life. I didn't work out often - maybe 3-4 days/week and hung out with friends. We partied and drank a lot.
  
• Summer 2010 - 111-118  
• I worked out 5-6 hours per day and sometimes more. No joke. And I wasn't eating more than 1000 calories. Ever. I fit into junior size 3-5.
• Fall 2011 - 135  
• Still working out 2 hours per day and not eating enough.
• Winter 2011-2012 - 140-145 
• Cut back working out to 1 hour/day. Not eating enough though probably.
• Summer 2012 - 145-150
• Yikes, what happened here?! I worked at the fair at night. During the day, I worked out a lot and hiked, which was about 2 hours/day of exercise + lots of standing/walking at work. Picked at junk at work sometimes.
• Spring 2013 - 140  
• Eating at least 1200 calories. Working out no more than 1 hour/day and stopped using calorie counting app. Hanging out with people a lot more frequently. 

All that said and done, I do have goals. With all the hard work I put in, I do want to look good too.

• Goal #1 - 135
• Goal #2 - 130 
• Goal #3 - 125

Putting this in prospective, I noticed that I just want to lose 15 pounds. Though it's quite a bit on a 5'3 frame, in the whole scheme of things (life), that's not very much to stress over. 

I should also mention that I've been teetering around 140 for awhile now. Except for a bizarre month or two in the summer of 2012, I've been at 140 for a year... and I fit into those size 9 juniors' pants I had always hoped to wiggle into.